Okay, let me start off with some good news then I'll follow with some somewhat detailed background information about what I'm about to share...
In yesterday's blog, I was quite bothered with how things went with my neighbor and how I raised my voice when I was talking to her, not to mention my stinky attitude towards my neighbors after that. That was something that I was not proud of and I wish I could've turned back time and handled myself differently. All that stuck in my head was a statement that she made about "not being christian". That stuck with me through the whole night and kept me from getting the much needed rest that I so desperately needed.
The whole night I tossed and turned and tossed and turned, tried teas and everything to relax me and nothing worked. But the whole time I just remembered praying that God would take the burden from me and I began naming things that I wanted to remove from my thoughts and my life and confessed and repented and just poured out my heart to God. The awesome thing is that today I went to church with my husband. (More details on that to follow). Boy, was I ready to get into the church house today and just press my way in to God in a real way!
Service started off with a prayer to set the atmosphere to receive and hear from God. Now, let me also say that everything that was weighing on me was kept to me and I didn't share any of this with my husband at all. And one of the ministers came over and began praying specifically for the areas in my life that needed to be dealt with. The Holy Spirit lifted that weight from me and there was a release in the place. God removed a yoke that was heavily on me last night. When I got home from church some other kids from the neighborhood were here asking if my son could come out and he was so much into his game that that left me entertaining his little friends. That was quite fun.
I was so tired that I couldn't go to sleep for a good while but then I laid down and had a blessed nap for two hours and woke up refreshed.
Now, I promised to give a background about going to church with my husband. I know there are people praying for me in that area and I thank God for that. For a while I stopped going with my husband to church for various reasons but nothing that anyone had done. I wanted to experience a different type of teaching and it was fun and really didn't have any idea that I would end up going back to my husband; I even tried to talk him into joining another church. Well, I guess when God has plans, He knows how to fulfill His purpose in you. I went back today and told my hubby that I'm going to worship with him. I decided to try to see if I can get back on the dance ministry after taking months of breaks and it was agreed that I can come to rehearsals but need a time of restoration for a couple to a few months and I'm fine with that.
Even my hubby, who's glad to have me back, said that I can't be active on the dance team for a while and I respect him as the pastor of my home in that.
I thank God for Him showing me that there's no perfect church and no one is above sinning. We all have sinned and come short of His glory. And we're all here by the Grace of God. When it comes to people who have negative things to say about a church, a person, or whatever, I have to learn to let them know that I'm not interested in hearing it. Even when I don't want to take part in giving my opinion on something, I find that it's just as easy to get influenced if I try to be a listening ear. And some people may be able to listen and throw it out but I'm not capable of that and that means that I have to put the brakes on conversations that will cause me to have a negative outlook on things.
Unfortunately, there are some relationships that I have had to or have to cast aside and sacrifice for the sake of having peace and knowing that I'm not partaking in talking about anyone. There are yet other issues that I deal with but and relying on God to help me make it through it.
Through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God.
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